


Operation: Get a Hot Date

by BestHandwriting



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 19:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7401505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestHandwriting/pseuds/BestHandwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For an almighty, outstanding guy like Lance, scoring some beautiful chick ought to be easy, but he’s stuck trying (and failing) to woo his teammates instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Get a Hot Date

For an almighty, outstanding guy like Lance, scoring some beautiful chick ought to be easy. After all, for the ladies, it’s the perfect job! All she has to do is hang onto his arm as he parades around the halls of the Galaxy Garrison buildings being lauded as a hero. And for his part, he’s got the smooth moves, the right looks, and the whole hero of the entire universe charm that makes ladies weak-kneed and starry-eyed.

In his always-right opinion, ladies should be falling at his feet by this point. He can see it now, a busty blond and a corpulent brunette and a pretty-faced red-head all grabbing at him, crying in adoration, “Lance! I love you!”

Or something like that.

Instead, the only pretty chick in sight is a serious princess who gets moony-eyed for that over-the-hill geezer (not that Lance would ever say that to Shiro’s face -Shiro’s reliability demands a certain respect in person- and it’s not like Shiro’s really that old anyways, just older than the rest of Voltron’s paladins), and the only other available options are heroes of the universe with their own slew of problems. Namely, one chick with family issues, one annoying rival, and one Hunk.

Not that he doesn’t like Hunk. He likes Hunk a lot. Everyone likes Hunk- it’s like item number 2 on the list of things paladins must do after respecting ~~Space Dad~~ Shiro. But in terms of a pretty lady to hang off his arm… well, Lance could do better.

Maybe. Hunk can at least make gross space food into 5-star quality dinners, which is certainly a step up from one Mr. Annoying Rival.

But then again, Mr. Annoying Rival does have a nice face. Not, you know, that he’d ever tell Keith that to his face. Keith might punch him or something. The guy misunderstands everything! Voltron cheers, basic human interaction rules, simple instructions- it’s like the guy goes from A to square instead of A to B like a normal person.

And by that logic, the normalest person of the lot is Pidge, and so Lance starts there.

**Commence Operation: Get a Hot Date**

\---

**Step 1: Pick-Up Lines**

The target sits at her computer, obliviously typing away at something or other. For a few long moments, Lance leans against the doorway, searching for anything to begin his perfect pick-up line. A few long moments later, he’s got nothing. He tries again, scrutinizing every detail with his keen pilot’s eye. Again, he comes up short. The room’s the same as Keith’s and Hunk’s and Shiro’s and even Lance’s- plain and boring.

Well, if there’s not something obvious to use, Plan B will do: make Pidge say something that will lead into a perfect pick-up line. He makes his way over to Pidge, leaning over her shoulder to stare at the many complicated lines on her computer screen.

“Hey, Pidge, whatcha working on there?”

Pidge doesn’t even look up from her work as she replies, “Oh, nothing much. Just fixing up some of the programing for the Green Lion’s short-term cloaking.”

Lance wolf-whistles, half out of appreciation for Pidge’s extraordinary computer skills and half to kick off his pick-up line. In preparation, he leans a hand on her shoulder and puts on his most winning smile (even though she isn’t looking his way- she will soon). “Hey, babe, how about you fix-”

“If you finish that sentence, Lance, you’ll really need fixing.” Pidge scowls at him, then returns to her typing as if he hadn’t interrupted her.

Lance deflates, collapsing to the floor in an egregious display of disappointment. “Aw, come on, Pidge! You’re supposed to play along!”

“Nope. No. Definitely not. Go find someone else to hit on.”

Lance bangs his head against the ground a few times for good measure. Maybe this is just a nightmare, and he’ll try again in the morning and get a better result.

Nope, not a dream. He’s still here, now with an achy head to top off this disaster.

Quiznak.

**Step 1: Utter Failure**

\---

**Step 1 (Again): Pick-Up Lines**

Keith, being the wandering type, is a little harder to pin down. Lance spends at least half the day after his failure with Pidge running around in circles trying to find the guy, and when he does, he’s sitting in the dining room (which Lance had already checked five times) reading.

Lance slides into a chair right next to Keith, and then he scoots it over a few centimeters for good measure. Then a few more. But when he tries again, the chairs are so close that they ram together. For a dangerous moment, Keith’s chair wobbles. Lance reaches out a hand to steady his target, but it’s too late.

The chair topples over sideways, Keith still in it.

They land with a crash, followed by the rest of the chairs next to him in a domino effect. Lance scooches his own chair back a meter to avoid the disaster zone. He’s really screwed up this time.  All that’s left is for Keith to lose his temper before he could even try out a pick-up line.

“What the hell, Lance?” Keith grumbles, unfocused gaze landing on the colossal failure of the day. “We’re supposed to be teammates, not enemies.”

In his sheer nervousness, Lance blurts out, “Did it hurt when you fell for me?”

Quiznak. If he thought he had screwed up before, now he’s really done it. Pick-up lines about injury-causing events? That’s got to be one of the biggest mistakes in the convincing-your-teammate-to-be-your-hot-date rule book.

But, to his amazement, Keith doesn’t throw a chair at him for the ill-timed pick-up line. Instead, he stares blankly at Lance. “Yeah, it hurt. Falling over always hurts.”

“But when you fell for me?”

_Shut up, mouth. Stop digging a deeper hole for yourself- wait, if we’re in space, can I really dig myself into a hole? Is there a separate idiom for that? Oh, quiznak, brain, start working properly! Stop with this nonsense and help me figure out how to stop screwing today up anything further than I already have!_

“Don’t you mean I fell _because_ of you?” Keith asks, mouth turned into a frown.

“No, I meant ‘fell for me.’ I definitely meant ‘fell for me.’”

“But I didn’t fall for you.”

Lance lets out a whole-body sigh. Why did he even bother with Keith? He should have known Keith wouldn’t understand; Keith never understands this kind of stuff. “Well, get up, Keith. Your clothes may look good on the floor, but you certainly don’t.”

Much to Lance’s relief, the especially horrendous pick-up line goes straight over Keith’s head. Keith just takes Lance’s generously outstretched hand with a slight smile and a sincere “thank you.”

Seriously, how does this guy function in society if he can’t even recognize a blatant pick-up line?

**Step 1 (Again): Utter Failure (Again)**

\---

**Step 2: Recover from Failure**

After cleaning up the chair disaster with Keith, he skulks out of the dining room, dignity dead (at least until tomorrow when he makes attempt number 2). A man’s got to allow himself a little time to mourn his failed romantic endeavors in order to be up for the task another day.

He finds solace in his plain, boring room (just like Pidge’s, where he screwed up the first time) by smashing his face in his pillow and lying there like he’s dead. Which, on the inside, he is.

Rejected twice! By Pidge and Keith no less, who are definitely in his league. What kind of person gets rejected twice in one day, anyways? That’s high up on the unlucky scale, like an 8 or 9. Not quite a 10, but that’s only because he didn’t try his luck with Hunk today. That’ll wait ‘til tomorrow when he’s gained some self-esteem back.

“Quiznak,” he groans, rolling onto his back. “Why can’t they see what they’re missing out on?”

“Who’s missing out on what?”

Lance sits straight up in his bed. “Hunk, at least knock before you barge in!”

“Sorry,” Hunk scratches the back of his head, grinning sheepishly. His other arm hangs suspiciously behind his back. Whatever Hunk’s holding back there better be good; Lance is not in the mood for practical jokes. “You didn’t show up to dinner, and Pidge said you tried to hit on her, and then Keith said you knocked him to the ground, so I thought, why don’t I bring you dinner and make sure you’re doing okay today because you definitely don’t sound okay, Lance. The Lance I know’s usually not so pathetic.”

“Pathetic?” Lance collapses back on the bed with a groan. “You wound me, Hunk!”

“Sorry, sorry. How about you eat something first, and then we’ll talk.” Hunk reveals a bowl of significantly more appetizing dinner than plain space goo or one of Coran’s concoctions from behind his back. Lance lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding- what a relief Hunk wasn’t hiding anything that could have ruined his already terrible day further.

Hunk sets the bowl down right next to Lance. He even thought to bring a spoon, laying it down right beside the bowl.

Lance rights himself, leaning back against the wall. But before he digs into dinner, he has to ask, “So, why did you hide the food behind your back?”

Hunk laughs a little. “Oh, it looked really good, and I knew it wasn’t gonna make it here whole if I could see it the whole way, so I had to hide it.”

“Wow, thanks buddy. Nothing like a whole dinner instead of a half-eaten one!”

They both laugh at that. That’s why Lance likes Hunk. They have the same goofy sense of humor- always have, since day one of their Galaxy Garrison cadet days.

When Lance settles down, he digs right into dinner. It’s in a whole ‘nother class compared to space goo- who’d have thought that anyone could make the vile green substance taste (and look) appetizing? Then again, Hunk’s many faults have always been redeemable in the kitchen. Even the grumpy Galaxy Garrison officers got complimentary when Hunk worked his magic on dinner.

Too soon, he’s left scraping the bottom of the bowl for more. When it’s clear no amount of scraping will bring more food, he sets down the bowl by his side.

“So, what’s bugging you, Lance? It’s not like you to miss dinner.” Hunk moves the empty bowl and spoon to the side-table, then hops up on the bed’s newfound open space. The bed lets out a worrisome creak, but Lance doesn’t have the heart to kick Hunk off his bed. Hunk was nice enough to bring him dinner, so if Hunk really wants to go for the heart-to-heart, he can’t bring himself to refuse.

Lance lets out a sigh, his pick-me-up dinner already souring in his stomach at the thought of the day’s mishaps. “My wooing game’s weak today, Hunk! I got rejected twice! Me, Lance, the greatest hero this universe has ever seen, rejected not just once, but _twice_!”

“That’s pretty rough. But why were you even trying to woo Pidge and Keith? I thought you were interested in Allura.”

“Yeah, but have you seen her lately? She’s all Shiro this and Shiro that. She saved his life over her own, man! I can’t compete with that!”

Hunk nods, completely understanding. Yet another example of Hunk’s superiority as a friend over Keith. “That’s true. You’re kind of out of luck there. But Pidge? Keith? I didn’t think they were your type.”

“But we’re getting close to defeating Zarkon, and I can’t go back to Earth as a shining hero without some hot date by my side! I was getting desperate!”

Hunk, much to Lance’s annoyance, takes a long moment to boisterously laugh at Lance’s plight. Lance is a quick breath away from telling Hunk to shut it, but Hunk soothes him with a warm hand placed on his shoulder. “Whoa, calm down. You’re not going to show up without a hot date. The Lance I know will keep trying to win someone’s heart over, and if even that fails, he’ll have a hot date right and ready if he wants it.”

Lance screws up his face, but he doesn’t make an effort to move Hunk’s hand off of him. “Huh? Who the heck are you talking about? I don’t have a back-up hot date.”

Hunk just gives him a bright grin.

It takes a while for the answer to dawn on him, and when it does, Lance stares at Hunk in shock. “You mean you’d really do that for me?”

“Sure. We’re friends, right? That’s what friends do.”

Lance almost tears up. Almost.

Okay, Lance will admit it. He did shed a few tears as he lunged at Hunk and hugged him tight. But only a few. A suave, cool hero like Lance doesn’t cry much. Nope, definitely not.

“You are the best friend ever, Hunk, thank you! And by the way, do you mind wearing a low-cut dress because I was thinking something like that for my hot date, maybe in crimson, you know, that’d look good with your skin and-”

“You’re babbling more than me, Lance, and that’s saying something.”

Lance scowls, but Hunk doesn’t notice.

“But sure, red dress and all. I do look fabulous in dresses. Just promise to stop hitting on Pidge, okay? She said she’d do a lot of violent things that made Shiro nervous if you tried it again.”

Both shiver at the thought. If something can make Shiro nervous, considering he’s seen worse things than any of them and lived to tell the tale, then they ought to be running away screaming for their lives.

“Yeah, I promise.” Lance burrows against Hunk’s chest, enjoying the warmth. “No more hitting on Keith for me either. He’s got to be the most oblivious guy I’ve ever met.”

Hunk laughs, and it’s nice, really, being able to feel it resonate throughout his whole body as Lance lays on top of him, reluctant to get off such a comfortable resting place. Maybe he should have tried pick-up lines on Hunk first if it meant he could have been doing this all day instead of embarrassing himself over and over again.

It’s too late to know. What’s done is done, and Lance got a hot date if he needs it anyways, so he’d call today a completely planned-out, well-executed victory.

Well, other than the whole getting rejected twice thing.

So maybe today was a couple of wrongs that lead to a right. Whoever said that two wrongs don’t make a right has clearly never met the great Lance, hero of the universe with a hot date ready by his side. Take that, unknown source! Two wrongs do make a right (if done by Lance, hero of the universe which gives him special exceptions to universal rules… or something like that. Maybe he just got lucky.).

**Step Two: Success**

**Operation Status: Complete**

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this isn't what I normally write, but it happened anyways. Hope you enjoyed this silly, not-meant-to-be-taken-seriously work. I mean, it uses the word normalest which is not even a word but Lance seems the type to make up words.
> 
> Though seriously, 75% of the reason I wrote this was for the part at the end with Hunk being a good friend. Gotta love that precious cinnamon roll. He deserves so much love. 
> 
> The remaining 25% was for Lance's mishaps. I do enjoy Lance making a fool of himself.


End file.
